Sexual Brokenness

I am sexually broken.

You are sexually broken.

We are all sexually broken.

In my heart are desires that do not honor God, and since I’m married, my wife. This is true for you. This is true for everyone around you. God made this world good (according to Genesis 1) and we’ve strayed from it, seeking to call the shots for our sexual lives.

I have wrestled with this blog post for a while now. I know that what I believe is not popular. I know that for many it makes me a hateful bigot on the wrong side of history. Yet, for many others it makes me a coward who won’t simply condemn those who are sexually broken just like me.

I believe our culture has taken a good, God-honoring thing and skewed it. In 2 Samuel 1, we read this as David laments the loss of his dear friend Jonathan:

Jonathan lies slain on your high places. I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; very pleasant have you been to me; your love to me was extraordinary, surpassing the love of women. – 2 Samuel 1:26

There is a deep companionship to be found between two men or two women. David had it with Jonathan. They were deeply committed to each other, they loved each other deeply.

That honors God and it actually mirrors God’s love for His people.

I have a relationship with a guy named Victor who lives in Phoenix. We call each other often, encouraging one another in our faith. There is a deep companionship there that is distinctly different than my relationship with my wife.

Our culture I believe has twisted the fact that we can have deep friendship with members of the same gender, making it romantic and erotic. That is when I believe that people step outside of God’s design. I believe that an active lifestyle of what our culture calls homosexuality doesn’t honor God, is sin. I am not saying that if you have those desires, you are sinning. I believe it is the erotic or romantic acting on those desires that is sinful.

That being said, how should the modern church respond to the sexual brokenness of the world we live in?

Here’s three things.

Repent

I am sexually broken. It starts here. It starts acknowledging that I have many desires that don’t honor God. We are currently doing discipleship groups in our church and here are two of the questions that we are to ask each other as we meet.

Am I walking in sexual integrity, submitting my mind and body to the Lordship of Jesus? Am I having any lustful attitudes, entertaining any inappropriate thoughts about someone not my spouse, or exposing myself to any explicit materials that would not glorify God?

I have heard from many that are in these groups that they’re refusing to answer those questions because they’re too personal. Now, I get it, that’s not always a fun set of questions to answer.

But we have no right to call those who struggle with certain sexual desires to repent if we are not calling ourselves to repent.

The church loses its voice fast when the sexual brokenness in each and every one of us is not acknowledged. We must repent of our sin. Each one of us. Not because it will magically give us a voice in the culture, but because we are called to do so in Scripture.

Love

They will know that we are disciples of Jesus by our love (John 13:34-35).

Are we loving those that have disordered sexual desires? Or are we up in arms that they are given rights in the world, actively making fun of them, and communicating on Facebook and in real life that they aren’t welcome anywhere near our faith community? God forgive us.

Jesus had a ministry in which he surrounded himself with those that were sexually broken and had disordered sexual desires. This is true for every single one of the people he was around. Most had private sexual brokenness. But a large chunk of the people he dined with had public sexual brokenness. Jesus was so active in their midst that he was condemned by the religious leaders of the day for being a friend of sinners, of being a glutton and drunk.

The Lord of all creation associated Himself with the sexually broken. He loved them and drew them into something better than their sexual desires. Purity. Holiness. Companionship with a faith community and with God. He went to them in love.

Church, those who are outside of a relationship with Christ should be welcomed, loved, encouraged, and shown compassion. This is true for any sin struggle.

It is my prayer for my youth group, for my church as a whole, that literally anyone feels welcome. It grieves me that the thirty-year porn addict or three year cohabitating young man may feel welcome in our church but not the man attracted to other men. We are to be a place of love for all.

Repent. Love. Then, only then:

Speak Truth

As a follower of Jesus, it is my calling to speak truth into the lives of those who claim Christ in my church community. Once I’ve shown that I’m actively repenting of my sexual sin, shown that I love the man or woman I’m in community with, then I am called to speak the truth according to Scripture in regards to marriage and sexuality. This isn’t fun nor is it easy. It is the call of the Christian however.

It is my prayer that the truth is spoken.

But it is my prayer that the truth is spoken in love.

I’ve seen so many professing Christians mock those have different sexual brokenness than they do.

Lord forgive us.

Give us love.

I am a lustful, angry, prideful, selfish, jealous, unkind man. And no one has given me just one chance to grow in my holiness. Why is it that we treat those with homosexual desires any differently? Why do we say change your desires immediately or get out? The reality is, the broken sexual desires will always be there in our lives. Each of us for always. Again, that’s not sin. It’s the acting on it that is. We will all fail and fall, but there is grace. We will all fail and fall but we are to repent and keep moving toward Jesus together.  

Church, may we repent of our sexual sin.

May we love people well, giving people of all backgrounds a family they feel deeply loved in.

May we speak the truth when it comes to what the Bible teaches about marriage and sexuality, but may it be saturated in love.

In His Name,

Nate Roach

Still Throwing Stones

In a world of social media, Christian culture can become discouraging and harmful. Here’s what I mean.

There is an up and coming, incredibly talented singer by the name of Lauren Daigle.

She is a professing follower of Jesus. My wife loves her music, and I gotta say, I can get down to it too. She sounds a lot like Adele, so you can’t really go wrong with listening to her. Recently she appeared on the Ellen Show, sparking a whole lot of Christian outrage, and she then followed that up with a radio interview in which she stated she wasn’t sure about whether or not homosexuality is a sin.

This has caused quite the divide in Christian circles, as people bang on their keyboards empassioned responses to what has taken place. On one side are those who see no wrong in what she has done by not calling homosexuality sin, and on the other side are those screaming the word heretic while getting ready to burn her at the stake. As is the case in most polarizing situations these days, there is animosity and anger and pride on display in these responses.

As a blogger, thinker, and pastor, I strive to find the Christian middle ground in most debates, and so I will try and do so again here.

Through this blog, let me walk you through my personal opinion. You have no responsibility to agree with me, I just ask that if you disagree with me that you would be charitable and kind.

I believe I need to be clear about this first. What I am advocating in this blog is a more loving, fair, and considerate approach to Lauren Daigle, not a more liberal approach to viewing homosexuality. I believe that the Bible makes clear that homosexuality is a sin. That being said, we are to lovingly call people out of that sin, not condemn them with hatred. I struggle with deception, pride, anger, envy, jealousy, and no one is condemning me with hatred. We must lovingly tell the truth about sexuality, instead of berating and hating those who struggle with such a sin.

With that being said, I want to address how we as followers of Jesus should respond to this situation.

Lauren Daigle doesn’t go to my church.

I serve in a church here in Vernon, Texas, and Lauren Daigle has never stepped foot in my church. This is an important fact.

When it comes to the Christian faith, I like to think of circles that are expanding. You have local, state-wide, national, and, finally, international circles. I think about this when it comes to generosity, missions, and in the case of Lauren Daigle, speaking the truth in love. So for me, I don’t want to give to an international charitable organization if I have been totally devoid of generosity in my community. I don’t want to go on an overseas mission trip if I haven’t knocked on my neighbor’s door. And lastly, I don’t want to condemn someone for a sinful action when I haven’t had the courage to speak up to someone in my local church.

This philosophy or mindset has come as a result of realizing that doing things nationally or internationally is far more easier than doing that same thing locally. It takes less effort to send an Operation Christmas Child box than it does to give to someone in need just down the street from me. It takes less effort to share my faith with a stranger in South America that I’ll never see again than to sit down with the neighbor I see every day. It is less awkward to speak the truth in love on Facebook than it is to sit down at a lunch table and confront my brother in Christ’s sin.

In a social media world, we condemn those we don’t even know.

Here’s the reality. My heart is grieved. It truly is. My beliefs on sexuality are not popular, but they are the Biblical truths according to Scripture. I do not hate or despise those who don’t agree with me, but the grief is still there. Whether it is Jen and Brandon Hatmaker or now Lauren Daigle, my heart is grieved when the truth of Scripture is downplayed or ignored, or even flat-out rejected.

To have an emotional response to these things is not sinful. Just today I was reading in Galatians, remembering just how upset Paul was with that church for abandoning the message of the gospel, and how he would eventually oppose Peter to his face for doing the same. But to have a hateful response to these things, that certainly is.

I feel like these verses pop up all the time in my blogs, but here they are again.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32

And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. – Ephesians 5:2

Lauren may not repent of her actions, of her words. That doesn’t mean we are to condemn her. I can wholeheartedly disagree with her stance (as I do) and not rake her name through the mud.

Love is not passivity. It is not ignoring the truth, the Scriptural truth. Love is speaking up, but it is speaking up personally in our own community. So for me, I have no hateful rhetoric to spew at Lauren Daigle. I am, however, preparing my heart for conversations with students who may bring this matter up, and I will be prepared to lovingly share the truth with them.

But shame on me or you if we’re ready to throw stones at this woman who we know not personally. Yes, be grieved, but don’t condemn and chastise a woman you don’t know. Before you take to social media, take into account the last time you took sin seriously in your own church or maybe even in your own life.

If you have enjoyed this post and if you have agreed with me, please give it a share. In a world of hateful rhetoric, even in Christian circles, we can remind people that we are still able to love in the midst of speaking truth.

In His Name,

Nathan Roach