Love, Vocation, Geography

We tend to put the Spirit in a box where its primary purpose is to help us in love, vocation, and geography. What I mean by this is that the majority of my conversations in which the Holy Spirit comes up revolve around who someone is going to marry, what job they will have, and where they will live. These are all things that growing up I felt a lot of pressure to make a “Spirit-led” decision in. This led me also to relegate the Holy Spirit to a position in my life where his primary purpose was to speak to me in those areas alone.

God the Holy Spirit does lead us, but the primary meaning of the leading of the Holy Spirit is not to lead us to marry this person or that person or to lead us to Cincinnati or Chicago. The primary place to which the Spirit leads us is to holiness and obedience. – R.C. Sproul 

I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve read from Sproul, and this quote is no exception. Nestled in a booklet about Christian conscience is this quote that speaks volumes.

The Holy Spirit’s primary leading in our life should be towards holiness and obedience. Take for instance the classic Fruit of the Spirit passage in Galatians 5. This chapter pits two lists of characteristics against each other, the fruit of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit. We are all likely familiar with the so-named ‘fruit of the Spirit’, the characteristics that we as believers should have and exemplify (we all fall short, but it’s what we should be striving towards). In this chapter we come to Galatians 5:25, one of my favorite verses for its encouragement and conviction. This coupled with Galatians 5:16 gives us the primary purpose of the Holy Spirit’s leading.

If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. – Galatians 5:25

I say then, walk by the Spirit and you will certainly not carry out the desire of the flesh. – Galatians 5:16

These verses do not say ‘walk by the Spirit and you will know explicitly who you are to marry, where you are to live, and what you should do with your life”. These are aspects of our lives that God does speak into no doubt, but let us not relegate the Spirit of God to just these areas.

In efforts to potentially take some weight off younger and older believers alike, let’s take a quick look at what I personally believe (and I may be wrong, and you may not agree with me) regarding love, vocation, and geography.

LOVE 

I personally do not believe that the idea of ‘the one’ is accurate. We romanticize this ideology and that’s not necessarily good. I believe that we are called by Scripture to marry someone who is of the opposite gender and who has saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Outside of those two parameters, I believe that God is more concerned with us showing Christlike love to our spouse than he is us finding the perfect man or woman for us (newsflash, no perfect men or women exist). In my relationship with Jamie, I never got a lightning flash dreamlike moment where God audibly spoke to me and said she’s the one. Instead I found myself incredibly attracted to her outward appearance, her character, and her love for the Lord. Our goals and aspirations lined up, we enjoy being around each other, and so we have committed to loving each other for life. Seeking godly counsel and prayer do go a long way, but I don’t necessarily believe that there’s a rule of thumb where you get an audible confirmation from God about the person you want to marry.

VOCATION 

As previously stated, there are times where God explicitly calls people to do specific things with their lives (I have had God’s call on my life to be in vocational ministry. This was not an audible speech moment, rather a feeling in my gut that was affirmed and confirmed through prayer and godly counsel). More often than not though, I believe that we are to use the natural gifts we’ve been given by God in a way that brings honor and glory to His name. So if you’re a gifted scientist, do that for Christ. If you’re a gifted orator, do that for Christ. If you’re a gifted teacher, do that for Christ. In the midst of my sister having a specific calling from God on her life to one day do overseas missions, I remember playing XBOX as a teenager racking my brain and trying to discern God’s will so as not to garner his anger by stepping outside it. When boiled down, I believe that God’s will for us vocationally is to love God and love neighbor through something that we are gifted at, and the rest is just geography.

GEOGRAPHY

This sounds repetitive, but it’s true. There are times where God calls men and women to specific locations. Most of the time however I believe that God is more concerned with how we live than where we live. When making decisions regarding where you live, you should again pray and seek counsel. But don’t sit around waiting for an audible voice. The question should remain the same regardless of whether you’re talking about love, vocation, or geography: “will this bring glory to Christ?”

My decision to leave Phoenix and move to Vernon was never confirmed by signs and wonders. It was a decision made between me and Jamie, with the counsel of friends and families, in that we felt like we could serve the Lord faithfully here and bring glory to His name. Today marks six months and it stands as one of the better decisions I’ve ever made.

I hope that this brings a breath of fresh air to many of us who become anal about the will of God. I welcome discussion and disagreement, just be cordial please.

The main thing (although I’ve devoted little words to it really) I want to share is that you shouldn’t limit the Spirit to these decisions. The Spirit of God is in your life to lead you in obedience and holiness.

In His Name,

Nathan Roach

 

Butterflies In The Stomach

I know very little about marriage. This makes perfect sense since I’m not indeed married.  Thus you could throw this whole blog out. But, don’t. Give it a chance.

I may know absolutely nothing functionally speaking about being married, but I can say pretty definitively that the picture of marriage or relationships that we see in movies and tv shows is ridiculous and far-fetched and is ultimately setting up a generation to fail in marriage because it’s all about emotion.

I have been stuck at home for the last 48 hours due to my respiratory system being ravaged by the flu (this stuff does not mess around). This has given me ample time to read, and one such book I’ve been digging into is Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. This book was given to me by a dear friend shortly after I got engaged to my beautiful fiancee Jamie. I had every intention of putting it at the bottom of my to-read list but the tagline got me interested fast.

“What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?”

That sucked me in fast. Now I’m only a handful of chapters in, but this book has provoked a lot of thought in me about my upcoming wedding and lifelong marriage to Jamie. There’s one such aspect of the book that I want to devote this blog to, and that’s the false idea that our relationships should be built upon emotional highs or that we should value the feeling of chemistry more than anything else.

Thomas will devote an entire chapter to this ploy that media has thrown our way, saying “the concept that marriage should involve passion and fulfillment and excitement is a relatively recent development on the scale of human history, making its popular entry towards the end of the eleventh century.” It’s fascinating to me that romance or an obsession with feelings and emotion has not been a constant in conversations about love and marriage but has slowly entered the equation to eventually take over and dominate our thoughts about love in our modern age.

I grew up pretty obsessed with finding love, with finding this spark of chemistry and electricity and excitement with a girl. I was so wrapped up in this that I declared a girl my girlfriend at the ripe old age of seven. The more I watched the Disney Channel, read books, and watched movies, the more I wanted to have this cute happenstance meeting with a girl and then overcome insecurities to find a forever love. Real life wasn’t that simple. I’ve heard (although I haven’t researched this, but it sounds about right) that infatuation lasts 18 months at the most. I went through elementary school, junior high, high school, and college, being infatuated with different girls but never finding lasting stability with one because I would question the relationship as soon as the feeling wore off.

Then I met Jamie, and it wasn’t love at first sight. But then after a D-Now weekend in Weatherford, we hit it off and were infatuated with one another. This helped us to get through a stint of long distance in Portland and then me taking off to the West to go to Phoenix. But then something happened at the start of 2017. It was inevitable, but I was no less prepared for it. The emotional high we got from speaking or seeing each other began to wane. The long distance lengthened the timeline for these feelings we had for one another, but sooner or later they were gone and we were faced with questions of why we should keep going.

IS THIS NOT INSANITY. In all honesty it is crazy to think that I was conditioned to put so much stock in my feelings. It’s hilarious to think that we should base the most intimate of human relationships on the least reliable thing in the world. I think that Scripture shows us that God made marriage for so much more than getting butterflies in the stomach.

I think Genesis 2:18 is about holiness not happiness.

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

 

I genuinely believe that all human relationships are designed to make us grow more like Christ. This applies to friendships, co-workers, neighbors, etc. That being said, a marriage relationship has got to give you the greatest opportunity for growth in Christlikeness since you spend so much time with your spouse. In every other type of relationship, you can distance yourself (or at least try to) from situations that challenge your character or provoke you to change. There’s no such option in marriage (well I guess you can try to avoid it here too).

That’s what makes Gary Thomas’ tagline for his book so intriguing to me. Because I want to believe that marriage truly was made for something greater than our feelings, than companionship, than sex or happiness. I want to believe that my relationship with Jamie in the coming decades will make me more like Jesus. Right now I am able to do pretty much whatever I want outside of my work obligations. That’s going to change in 149 days. That’s going to force me to become more like Jesus in laying down my desires and wants for the sake of my spouse.

Jamie and I got through last Spring by realizing that a relationship built upon the feelings we have when we’re around each other is like building a house on the sand. We’re striving to build our relationship upon Jesus, upon spiritual growth, and I can tell you that has bonded us together much more than butterflies in the stomach (which I still get around her periodically).

I’m not anti-romance. I’m actually a schmuck when it comes to it.

But I know that a relationship built upon the lies of modern movies and television is not a stable one.

Build your marriage upon Jesus.

Build your life upon Jesus.

In His Name,

Nate Roach